EEEWWWwwww that smell...can't ya smell that smell?

I "borrowed" my title from that famous song by Lynyrd Skynyrd (note: by mentioning that upfront keeps me from having to pay any royalty money)

As we get into week 6, we've discussed all kinds of things about our BodyFit Extreme class...diets, positions, vices...we've overlooked one of the most important rules of class etiquette...ode de body! I'm not talking about the sweat factor, because lets be honest here (again) we all smell about the same when we have burned 900 calories with the room temperature 'round the actual temperature of HELL. I'm talking about the subtle smell of the muscle/joint ointments we've all started using...IcyHot, TigerBalm, BenGay, Aspercreme to name a few of the class favs. Did you ever think we'd all be in agreement on having to use one of these ointments...DAILY before the age of 68? I personally take it a step further to help relieve joint pain & soak in a warm tub filled with Epsom Salt (1/2 cup will do) AFTER taking a Potassium & Magnesium vitamin. After I get out of the bath, joints aching not so much, I slather on TigerBalm like it's Chanel #5...elbows, knees, shoulders...all the places one puts perfume...I now use my signature scent...Mentholatum. **CAUTION: There is a reason on the tube label it says wash your hands IMMEDIATELY after putting on the rub...I think we all know why. If you don't...here's a clue...think of a swollen jellyfish...'nuff said.

It's like my Grandmother Francis always says (she is now 92 years young) an apple a day (or a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar) 1 aspirin, exercise, a nip of bourbon (instead I do a hefty glass of psyllium husk) vitamins & Ben Gay---helps keep your joints supple.

Like our class stresses...back to basics, case in point above. Oh & if you are one of the last few who have yet to try out one of the "heat rubs" find me, I've got a tube with me @ all times.

30 Days n 30 Nights!!!

As the title suggests...we've been a part of BodyFit's Extreme Challenge now for 30 days n' 30 nights! I can say it has been a long 30 days (& nights), but worth every step we've stomped, every 2 minute weight lifting segment that we've pushed our aching muscles to, all those 1 minute heel kicks...it's now starting to show. Can you believe back on August 1st, we all showed up bright eyed & bushy tailed to that lil studio off Millwood...not knowing what was in store for us. As we've gotten over Hell Week 1, 2, 3 & 4, we all know what we can do, and what we will do better in the upcoming month. That includes our diets, workouts & most importantly improving our own health. As an evening die-hard classmate, who is the front person in the mirror as well as works the fan...I can see change. I am constantly reminded of the song we stretch to by MJ himself..."Man in the Mirror" as I look out over my class I see Kerri (*NOTE sorry about any misspellings of classmate's names, correct me this evening BEFORE the Cupid Shuffle...don't want to mess up my dance moves over that issue) who has gained balance & strength, to Sally who is slimming down quickly, to Peggy & family looking LEAN n' mean, Courtney who makes us shake our tail-feathers, our VET who is starting to get cut-up, to DOC, who is starting to show a friggin' 8 pack, to J-Ray who finally gets 6 inches is not 6 feet, the Todd family, who keeps us all laughing because their shorts keep fallin' off their rear-ends, to Jessica who sings along to our workout songs, or our famous DJ pushing himself to EXTREME, Marie who should be teaching the class or @ least on stage, to our HOT fireman...we're glad you came over to the "other" side (Holly, don't worry we're watchin him) to the husband/wife teams looking good, to Liz, you will be the finest angel singin' in the church choir, to the BodyFit babes in the back...I see y'all burning up those steps, to the AM ladies...I see those windows "smokin" up after y'alls workout. To Caroline & Nurse Stephanie, come on now, those pix on Facebook look great...it's been awhile since y'all have seen how hot you are! (& were I might add) & last but certainly not least...our support team, Amy, Jamie, Stephanie, Kelley, Renee, Kara, Tamela, Nancy, Suzanne...on behalf of our AM & PM gang...thank you for seeing in all of us what we are now starting to see...thank you for the belief that we can & will do what we set out to do and just allowing us to be a part of this incredible journey that we all have embarked upon.

Insert a loud, thunderous clapping standing ovation for everyone. Take a bow, stretch deep as I know y'all can...breath deep & watch that clock because here's were we start...3...2...1...Month 2!!!

No Shame In Your Game!!!

Modesty---defined as "reserve or propriety in speech, dress and/or behvior".

Well if you are in Week 3 of BodyFit Extreme, that has been chunked out the window back on Day 2. After doing 3 minutes of intense ab work last night, with my legs in the air, moving up, down n' all around, I got tired of readjusting my shorts & just said to my 'mates around me, "sorry in advance if I flash you!" To which a shout-out came back to me, "no worries, seen it before!" My face was already red from the 50 minute workout, so thank goodness we all were down on the floor, so no one would see me blush. Blush!?! ME you ask, well hell yes as I did not know who said it. As we came up to the "table-top" formation, I leaned my head between my legs & asked my friend, Nurse Stephanie, "pssst can see, well...anything?" She quickly said, "NO" & then asked me, "what about me?" to which I said, "NO". At this point in our workout series, NO one cared about how much SWEAT soaked their shirt let alone their shorts. I thought about the first day of class, when we all were wide-eyed and nervous (I mean who isn't with a camera all up in your business...no wonder porn stars are the true professionals in the industry...& they've got sweat proof makeup too) Most of us had towel(s) with us as well as a change of shirt & maybe shorts too. After getting to know one another over the weeks, & doing squats with your rear-end jutted out, doing that damned "FROG" position, not to mention the dreaded "football run" where every inch of your gut, love-handles & girls, lets be honest here, our boobs...flips, flops & jiggles! & to top it off, we all can see each other with that friggin mirror that shows everything (well not covered that is). So as my class & I are getting stronger, leaner, more coordinated...I've come to realize that modesty is the gentle art of enchancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it. Insert
" WINK ;>) " here.

Assume The Position!!!

I bet you're wondering where I'm going with that title huh? Not exactly along the lines you might be thinking but it's close enough! So as Week 3 begins, I started asking myself...who in the hell named the yoga poses, stretches, hip flexers, core motion movements we've been doing for the well last 3 weeks. Google yielded me about 300 results, I hit the first one naturally called "Yoga Poses & Terms". It lead me to a lovely and quite flexible lady who told me via my Windows Media Player that "yoga is defined by Asanas which is a posture motion with its' literal meaning is "seat." & from this point, she began to show me all the various poses, stances, stretches & core movement that I cared to see. Ok Kimbo, you're asking, WTF does this have to do with that title? Ok, picture yourself in our BodyFit Extreme class one evening...you are sweating like a whore in church, tired, panting or gasping for breath, trying to chug some water flavored with electrolytes & the Greek God YELLS out into his microphone "Assume the position for FROG!" As we all look at each other with wild crazy eyes as if to say, "what's that?" We are suddenly demo'd this position by the Greek God himself where he is in a squatting position, rockin' his torso back n' forth while lifting his rear-end in the air. I'm thinking to myself we have to this? As I assume the position, I hear moans, groans & body parts snapping (as in knees & elbows) and suddenly think & say it out loud, "what kind of video are we doing?" Now laughing DOES NOT help one in that position & the Greek God didn't find that funny so we had to hold this position for a full 2 minutes. Let me tell you that was the longest 2 minutes I've had in a long time & not in a good way. Well that is not the end of my blog just yet, we also have incorporated the "upward bow", "joyful baby", "cobra" , "lunge" & down the healthy road we're traveling-we'll introduce such new positions as the "flowering lotus" which sounds to me like a sleazy massage parlor off 2-Notch Road. Don't forget one of the best stretches the yoga lady demo'd me was the "headstand prep" or how 'bout the "plow" (don't go there with that one) & probably my favorite sudo-nasty pose the "wide legged forward bend". I'm on board with the concept of yoga as well as pilates, but the names of the exercises just get me. However IF I can look like the yoga/pilates instructor Goddess Tamela (who is the friggin mother of 5 yes 5 cute as can be rug-rats) in 60 days well maybe the yoga positions can come into play in other arenas. I mean I've already got rug-burn on my arms from the plank position. As I slurping down my protein shake, I'm just saying this, the "corpse" position, as morbid as it sounds, really looks rather comfy.

Ok, I'll admit it...I've tried it!!!

Like the title says, I'll admit it...I've tried it...just about every diet that's come along in the last 20 years or so. I've tried every quick fix one can possibly inflict on their body. Just to name a few here SlimFast, Grapefruit Diet, Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage Soup Diet, Lean Cuisine, Special K Diet, Mediterranean Diet, Fasting, Weight Watchers (sound familiar to anyone?) Needless to say they did work for a quick second, only to bring the weight back in a fast minute. I wondered about the infamous, only mentioned in elite gossip rags, Hollywood Diet, as it seemed to work on too many a starlet...the Olsen twins, Kate Moss, Amy Winehouse. As I Googled what this diet consisted of, I suddenly was aware why rehab was part of the program...the Hollywood Diet was smoke a pack of cigarettes (daily) drink coffee in the extra venti eco-envirno friendly cup thru a straw all day long and when the paparazzi isn't around you, do a line or two of cocaine, to continue thru the evening. I quickly decided that one was not an option for me, nor should it be for anyone else, Hollywood or not.
I do have to admit I have taken many a diet pill, usually not approved by the FDA, but the ones you might see on an informerical or by the check-out in Walmart. These are usually herbal supplements that contain a high dose of a natural form of caffeine. What does this do? Well it's pretty simple there simon...speeds up your heart-rate, curbing your appetite, thus not wanting to eat! Oh just watch how those pounds melt off...and after you realize you have not slept in 3 days, your mouth tastes like you've licked all four of your car's tires & there is no amount of cover up that can hide the black puffy circles under your eyes...you throw that $24.99 bottle of nonsense into the trash. I recommend throwing them down a disposal, because you can always be tempted to rummage around the trash for the bottle giving you a quick 3-5 pound fix if you have an event coming up.
After finally realizing the pounds did not jump onto my body overnight, I knew taking them off would take time...(insert clock sound here...tick tock...tick...tock). With that in mind as I entered into my living hell, or as y'all know it, BodyFit Extreme Challenge. I asked the question everyone wanted the answer to, "how do we do this, & keep it off?" Well lemme tell ya'll the answer is simple...eat right, portion control & exercise. Ok who knew right? If only I had listened to my Jr. High PE teacher while she was explaining the food pyramid. Kidding, sorta. We all had to address what our MAIN issue in our diet was...whether it was fast food, too much food, not enough food, snacking, binging, hording or mine (YES I'll admit it...too much vino) once we saw what it was, we all pledged to keep the dreaded FOOD JOURNAL! GASP you say! The horror of it I type...BUT the one thing the Food Journal makes you do is take into account your part of getting YOU healthy & making a pattern to stay healthy. IF you cheat, you only are cheating yourself (WOW I sure do sound like a PE coach here) So, I'll admit, again, I did drink a glass of vino last Saturday night BUT I did put it into my Food Journal, in fact highlighted it in purple. As we move along in our healthy journey realize it's easier to admit you did it, rather than lie to the Food Journal!

Body Parts Lost & Found

Have you extended your Pectoralis Major lately? Reached around & slapped your Gluteus Maximus today? Filled your Pectoralis Major with 5 different fruits n' veggies today? Chances are you haven't but if you've been in BodyFit's Extreme Challenge as I have, you've probably reconnected literally to 'em. I'm talking about your abs, chest, arms, back, legs and your derriere basically your entire body. I have taken more ibuprofen this week then I can remember...here's my evening routine...shower, epsom salt, IcyHot, baby powder, hydrocortisone cream, 2 ibuprofen, floss teeth, brush teeth, gargle, rinse...that routine takes longer than my beauty routine. That's saying a lot too! I know what works for my normal beauty routine besides my fab esthetician friend Nina helps out (insert plug for friend's salon...Skin Care on Devine---she'll make you look 20 years younger!) but my lack of paying attention to my body parts has me in a tizzy! I mean we've all heard the saying "NO pain NO gain!" well pain has decided he's gonna reside in these 39 year old bones, muscles, joints for awhile, y'all wanna bet what I'm betting...45 days. I know stretch, stretch & stretch some more...how 'bout you tell that to the Greek God who makes us do 100 jumpin' jacks...then squats, then wait more squats & just when you thought you could do no more...add 10 more squats. You'll soon feel your legs turn to jello (yes that is on our diet, sugar free preferred) but no fret, it's time to do planks for our CORE?!?! Can ya just call it as it is...stomach killing! What you haven't seen your belly button in a few years due to over indulging? No worries, after taking this course, you'll be reminded he's there all 22 muscles of him! For those in my program, I'll end it here as I'm sure your Pectoralis Major is hurting as mine certainly is...laughter is not is NOT the best medicine in our case!!!

Oh Woe Is My Vino!

Enter into a dark, silent room...where I break out into a cold sweat, tossing & turning in my deep sleep, gripping the sheets, kicking off the blankets as I scream "NO it's the Wine or ME!"



WTF? I mutter out loud, as I shake the sleep fairies my from my head, blink out the gooey eye-boogers as I tried to recount what had just played out in my memory. My commitment to this experience...Oh yeah did I mention part of the BodyFit Extreme Challenge is NO, as in no sip, no gulp, no chug, no shot, no lick, no swallow of any alcohol...period...45 days for me, as I decided I'd be on the workout fast-track (ugh my stomach muscles already are feeling the pinch). Stop, I already hear the nay-sayers, disbelievers & haters say "you won't last!" Ummm for those who know me all too well...know I will do it. It's like the description of my horror-scope (as I call it, as my charts ain't so in line lately) character, the Bull..."loyal, strong-headed, will lead into battle!" So in front of my 40+ new friends in the same boat I'm in, I made the commitment that I would NOT partake of any alcohol for 45 days. I hear the groans from y'all now...as well as the question...the big one being..."What about Gamecock football season comin' up?" Well hell that's a whole 'nother blog in itself, but my answer to the question @ large...thank goodness for my "Kleen Kanteen" as it will be filled to the brim with ice, cold aqua! Hell I'll add in an orange slice and it's almost as good as my standard Grey Goose option (yes I'm kidding, but I'm trying here...really trying)



As my for long time friend, red wine? I've dumped them all for now. Yes, all my Cabs, Old Vine Zins, Merlots, Malbecs, Blends...all of it! I have an empty wine rack can you believe it? Even though I made plenty of pros for why women need a daily glass of red wine...for our heart, memory (or lack of) lower cholesterol...the Greek God Trainer said simply "NO." As I shook my head, shuffled my feet, I said "I know I promised." I looked at my counter part, Caroline, who made the commitment of no alcohol as well & simply shrugged my shoulders as a post toast. Caroline & I began our fun @ Carolina, not so long ago, as freshman chuggin' chilled keg beer...exercising off that beer in no time flat! We could eat what we wanted, drank in excess & still stayed size 4 or 6! Unfortunately not the case now. So we threw out her BudLight Lime Bottles to the recycling bin, I tossed my vino bottles to the recycling station @ Shandon Presbyterian Church for pickup...we both sighed, longing for a drink, but settled on a protein shake with Whole Psyllium Husk added for colon health & digestion support. I know, I know...doesn't sound as good as an ice cold BudLight Lime in a frosty glass with an icy lime slice or a room temperature '02 Jordan Cab, Alexander Valley, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do...that is keep a promise to herself, for her health, well-being & to BodyFit Extreme!